4 Days before Paris

There are four days left until I leave for Paris, and I’m scared.

I’m leaving so much behind. I have all these ideas and plans and dreams, but lately I feel alone in them.

What hurts the most at times is feeling like no one wants to be close to me, at least not with conditions. I know I can’t be liked by everyone, but right now it feels like I’m not liked by anyone.

I feel like anyone who ever gets close to me immediately notices, like, some type of cancer inside that repels them away.

I have so many dreams, big dreams, but there seems to be so many people standing in the way, telling me that I’ve dreamed too far, and it’s time to start an ordinary life: finish nursing school, get a normal job, get married, etc.

I write this all while crying. Yes, I was crying, but there is a small part of warmth coming from my heart with the idea that this is the breaking moment in my life where I start to realize that all I need is myself.

I leave to Paris in four days, and what scares me the most is not something happening, but nothing happening at all. Nothing changing.

I want something to happen, for my life to become meaningful.

I want change.